Recovery // How to handle diet talk

Did you know that research suggests that women can spend 18.9 years of their lives on diets? (source) So it's only inevitable that eventually someone is going to tell you about their latest weight loss plan in great detail.I think it's become so ingrained in our society now that it's considered normal and healthy to diet.Talking about weight loss has become a way for people to bond,and nothing unites people faster than a shared struggle.However as a person in recovery,I could do without hearing about how "bad" you were when you ate that cupcake.Of course I don't blame people for talking about their diets,they offer the exciting prospect that when you finish them you'll be thin and gorgeous,it doesn't work like that but I have no room to talk! I'm trying to learn that my life should be about exploring opportunities and ideas and not getting caught up in what other's are doing.I completely support people's right to do what they want with their own bodies and lives,but I'm talking about how to avoid and handle the often non stop chatter surrounding it.

1. Remove yourself from the situation

I know this isn't always possible,but if you're able to it's a good idea to try and move away from certain conversations.Protecting your mental health and/or recovery is more important,and if you feel like certain people or discussions are affecting that then some time by yourself might be helpful.I try to find a hobby to pass some time until I feel more comfortable,blogging is such a great way to vent! Other ideas might be listening to music,tidying up or watching cat videos on Youtube (would recommend.)

2. Change the subject

If you're not able to go somewhere else,subtly changing the conversation to another subject can really help shift things towards a more positive direction.For example if someone says "urgh I shouldn't have eaten that burger at McDonald's,I'm so fat" you could say "I thought it looked quite nice,did you see (insert name) there? I find that if you mention another aspect of their evening/outfit/food or whatever they're talking about the diet talk often ends there.

3. Be understanding

These days talking about dieting and weight loss is as common as discussing the weather,and you can see why in today's society.The constant sexualisation and objectification of women in adverts can really distort what both sexes think is the right way for a body to look.Of course,all sorts of mental health problems and/or unhealthy behaviour can come from not being able to match up to these standards.Diet propaganda is displayed on our TV's and magazines 24/7 and there's never a break from it,so you can understand why some people may be swept away with the idea that they too can be the "perfect ideal".Whether or not you agree with their diet,you probably know what it's like to feel insecure so a quick "I'm always here if you need to talk" might go a long way.

4. Talk to them

Sometimes people can be oblivious to what they're saying and how it can affect other people,it's quite easy for people to get wrapped up in their little bubble! If it's really getting to you,having a quick word with them could make all the difference.Something like "I'm trying to change my mindset and learn to accept my body without dieting,I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention your diet all the time." Making sure that you're honest and open with them is definitely the right way to go,seeing as that's what all good friendships should be based on!

I've found these ways of dealing with diet talk really effective,obviously you can't censor people and their going to say what they want to,but that doesn't mean you can't say how you feel or have to be in a negative atmosphere.



Do you have any tips to deal with diet talk?

South West Blog Social // What I learnt

I had such an amazing time at the South West Blog Social last Saturday,so good in fact that I actually forgot to take many photographs (I'm such a bad blogger haha) I'm so happy that this part of the world is holding such great events,and it was really inspiring to hear wonderful advice on everything from getting published to learning how to accept advertising.It was held at Oddfellows which is a very funky looking "gastropub"just off the beaten track.

It was great to be able to actually meet bloggers in person, it felt quite surreal actually! I managed to find a band of lifestyle bloggers to eat Pizza with and chat about all things blog related.It felt so nice to be able to talk about Twitter chats and post ideas without people looking at me like I have a third eye!

If you're ever in Exeter looking for somewhere to eat or go for a quick drink,I'd definitely recommend Oddfellows. They even cater to the non drinkers amongst us,this mocktail was absolutely gorgeous! It came in a jar too,so it's perfect for Instagram addicts.I'll let the four cheese and chutney pizza speak for itself, I think it was bigger than my head! Not only did I leave with a full stomach, but my head was buzzing with ideas and the wonderful feeling that I'm doing the right thing by following my passion.I think this was a great opportunity to learn more about the world of blogging,and I left with lots of new information.Here's what I took from the day;

1. There's always something to learn

Blogging is a hobby that you can take down many different avenues and there's always something new to learn. I've seen people's amazing photographs from the event, and I'm going to try and improve my photography skills. I've only got a Nikon Coolpix, but I've read some great tutorials online on how to get your pictures up to scratch.

2.Bloggers are as unique and different as their blogs

It was wonderful to see such a variety of people of all ages and from all walks of life.It makes me so happy to think that I'm part of a community that is so accessible and friendly.I was really inspired by all of the interesting and open stories and ideas that were bouncing around the room.

3.It pays to challenge yourself

Honestly,I was really nervous on the train ride over,but I figured I should try to get myself out there and promote what I love and enjoy.Initially I felt quite uncomfortable,but I'm glad I stayed because I met so many wonderful people!

4. Every day is a great opportunity

Saturday made me realise that I should really push myself to seize every opportunity that comes my way. Everyday is an opportunity to ask questions and find inspiration, it might not always come straight away but sometimes a fresh outlook can make all the difference.

5 People can be so generous

This event was kindly organised by Jodie Dewberry over at http://alajode.com/ and supported by many sponsors who provided wonderful goodie bags for us (future post coming!) It must have taken so much hard work and dedication to get this to run without a hitch! Also,I really admire the speakers who offered such wonderful advice and happily answered any questions we had!

I'm definitely going to try to attend as many events as I can,hopefully there will be lots more going on in Devon in the future.It's definitely been an eye opening and fun day,I really hope that the South West Blog Social runs for many more years to come!



Have you been to any blogger events before? Did you enjoy it?

Music // Ultimate Blogger's Playlist

source

For the past couple of days I've had terrible writer's block,it's so frustrating when all the thoughts are there but you can't get them into any sort of order.In cases like this I like to get a playlist together that puts me in a good mood and inspires me to get writing! I must have been living under a rock because I've only recently discovered Spotify,but I'm really enjoying using it as a way to boost my motivation and discover new music.

The Warm Up

I like to set up an area where I can blog comfortably,which often includes many cushions and a big mug of tea! I've put together some songs that have a wonderful mix of catchy and feelgood lyrics that should help you to get motivated to produce your best content yet! Who could resist singing to Mr Blue Sky? It's the perfect song for Summer.I'd really recommend Noah and The Whale too if you're into indie folk, fans of Bombay Bicycle Club or Mumford and Sons,this would be a great band to check out.

The Main Event

By this point you've probably written a little bit,but your concentration might begin to flag! This is the time that I might have a little break,but if I'm feeling productive I often power through with some tracks that help keep me going.These songs are great for inspiring your ideas and emotions to get together and do some writing.I've heard Pharrell William's "Happy" a million times already and I still love it,I should really watch Despicable Me! Ben Howard has some lovely music too,he also used to live in my town and go to the same secondary school as me,although not at the same time sadly!

The Wind Down

Writing can be really draining when you put your all into creating something you love.I think it's a great idea to relax with some easy listening music and take some time to rest your brain.I've only just discovered the first song which is a cellist group cover of Coldplay's clocks and it's so beautiful! Also, you can never go wrong with some Jack Johnson to mellow you out.

I've spent a lovely evening arranging my playlists.It definitely appeals to the side of me that loves organising,I should work in an office.Of course,all of the songs belongs to their respective artists,I can't sing for toffee and I'm no Beyonce! I hope you enjoy them,let me know if you'd like me to create any more,I'm thinking of starting a regular music feature.

What songs are you enjoying at the moment? Do you use Spotify?

Lifestyle // 20 reasons why I'm a feminist

Source

I've been following the #YesAllWomen tag on Twitter recently,and it's full of reasons confirming why I am a Feminist.It's been very enlightening, but also very sad to read the experiences of Women all around the world.The word "Feminism" can certainly conjure up the dated stereotype of "bra burning man hater",but there is no way to identify a feminist based on looks.People of all ages,races and backgrounds support and hold up the beliefs that Feminism fights for.The definition of Feminism according to the Oxford English Dictionary is "the advocacy of Women's rights on the grounds of equality of the sexes",but I think Queen Bey sums it up quite well too.Equality to me is the main focus.I believe that all genders deserve to have control of their bodies,and should be able to live and voice their opinions without fear.

I'm a Feminist because...

1. The Gender Pay Gap in the UK for 2013 was 19.7%. (source)
2. When someone  says "you fight/act like a girl" it's seen as an insult. 
3. Because 30% of the female UK population has suffered domestic violence. (source)
4. This video highlights how men can be victims of abuse too,but they often don't get taken seriously. (source)
5. Because women have been asked in interviews "do you intend to have children?"
6. Often a women who has had lots of sex is a "slut" whereas a man is praised.
7. Women are often taught that they should see other females as competition ("I'm not like other girls") rather than holding each other up and supporting one another.
8. I have been refused a job because "I wouldn't be able to lift things",even though I fit the job description.
9. According to this survey,35% of male college students admitted they would commit rape if they knew they could get away with it.(source) 
10. Because men are often made to feel ashamed for enjoying "feminine" hobbies and showing emotion.
11. Because women are often made to feel ashamed for being "unladylike", or pursuing traditionally masculine careers.
12. Unnecessarily Gendered Products (source)
13. Single mothers are often portrayed by the media as "desperate" and relying on benefits,whereas single Dads are praised for "doing so well with them".
14. If a man chooses to be a stay at home Dad,he is often questioned and made to feel less "manly".
15. Schools put tougher restrictions on what the girls wear,to make sure  that they don't arrive in "inappropriate" clothing which may affect the boy's attention.
16. There are still countries that don't allow women have an abortion,except in life threatening cases.In my opinion, all women should have the reproductive right to a safe and legal abortion free from shame and discrimination,if they choose to.
17.  There are people in the world who think that women owe them a smile or sexual favours.
18. Women are still encouraged to stick together on a night out for safety.
19. There are 33 states in the US where it is possible to be fired from your job for being gay or transgendered. (source)
20. Over 20,000 girls are at risk from Female Genital Mutilation in the UK.This practice is illegal over here,but many young women are taken abroad for the procedure. (source)

You're a star if you've managed to read all this! I felt really inspired by all of the strong people who are taking a stand against negativity and injustice in the world.Sadly,it would be very naive of me to expect people to be treated equally any time soon,but I love that people are more willing to challenge stereotypes and voice their opinions now.

Do you identify as a Feminist? I'd love to hear your opinions

Beauty // SPF Summer Skin care picks

These past few days have been wonderfully warm haven't they? I hope you've all been enjoying the weather.I've been trying to make the most of it by spending as much time basking in the sunshine as possible! This week I've really been making sure to include products that contain SPF in order to avoid that lobster red look.I wish I was able to get a golden tan like some people,but until then I'll stick to these as I've found these have really helped to keep my skin in check.

I've been applying this Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry Touch Sunblock religiously since it started getting warmer and I love that I can use it on my face without breaking out as it is oil free and non comedogenic (doesn't clog pores) I picked it up from the 99p store and it's the highest SPF factor that I've been able to find (let me know if you have seen any higher!) It sinks into the skin easily but it is quite slow to absorb so I'd definitely wait 5 minutes before getting dressed etc..I've used some sunscreens that have left my face looking like an oil slick,but with this one I can apply foundation over it and still have a completely matte finish.

This Holika Holika Petit BB Cream in Moisturising  is really great for those sunny days where you want to wear lighter make up and let your skin breathe.It's SPF 30 and its creamy formulation is amazing for sorting out tired dry skin whilst giving a medium coverage.I've got very pale skin and I found this to be a good match,despite looking quite orange in the tube it leaves my skin looking even and lessens the look of my pores.I wrote a full review a little while back which you can read here

As a 00's teenage girl,I was an huge fan of the Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse,but as I got into my 20's I found that I wanted a foundation that offered a more coverage and was more suited to my skin tone.I've been using Bourjois 123 Perfect Foundation in Light Vanilla (as you can see from the tatty much loved packaging!) It's £10.99 which is quite expensive compared to my budget buys,but as foundation can make such a difference I'm happy to pay it.It contains SPF 10 and has various pigments (yellow,red and green) to help combat dark circles,dull complexion and redness.It does cover light pimples and scarring,but if you're having a breakout you might need to apply some heavy duty concelear to add a little more coverage.One thing I've noticed is that it does stay on for a good few hours,a little swirl of powder is all that is needed to set this for most of the day.I could stand to go a shade paler (they don't do it!) but I love how it feels light and natural on my skin.If you're after a long lasting and medium coverage foundation then I'd really recommend it.


Although I've got my trusty skincare routine to help keep my freckles safe and the wrinkles at bay,I'm really struggling to find a foundation for pale freckly skin!


Does anybody have any recommendations?

Lifestyle // Why I love Selfies

A collection of Selfies from 2014 so far!

Selfie was the "Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year for 2013 and is defined as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself,typically on a smartphone and uploaded to social media".A quick scroll of Instagram,Twitter or Facebook shows you how popular the Selfie has become and I can see why! It's an easily accessible way to have fun and share your day with others.People have been taking photographs for entertainment for years,so it makes sense that it moves along with the rest of technology!

In a world where people are often shamed by the media for the way they look,I think it's great that we can portray ourselves as and when we want to and control our online image.Although validation shouldn't be sought purely based on appearance or what others think,it's a lovely confidence boost to receive feedback and comments on your latest photo.The power of the Selfie has even helped raise 8 million pounds for Cancer Research. I love how Selfies give us a peek into a person's life and day,there's no better way to find out what a person's like than looking through their Instagram feed! Also we have Selfies to thanks for such funny Internet entertainment as The Selfie Olympics and this infamous song which confirms my struggles "Can you guys help me pick a filter? I don't know if I should go with XX Pro or Valencia".

Of course there is a time and a place for everything and I definitely wouldn't recommend taking Selfies in the Office,but I really enjoy seeing people improve their self image and gain the confidence to be able to share their photographs.It can take a lot of courage to say "this is who I am and what I look like".I for one am always going to take Selfies as they're a great way to unwind and explore new ideas.I mean look at the 86 year old lady on Instagram known as Baddie Winkle,it's my goal to be like her when I'm that age.

What's your opinion on Selfies? Do you enjoy taking them?

Lifestyle // Why I love blogging

Last nights lifestyle (#lbloggers) chat was really interesting as always! We were talking about "big" and "small" bloggers,the difference between them and what people think is important about blogging.For me personally,it's the interaction.Writing is blog is actually quite a brave thing to do,as you're putting yourself out there and saying "this is me and these are the things I enjoy" and I really like the positive and accepting community that comes out of that.

As well as loving reading comments,messages and notifications,I really enjoy taking the time to sit down and respond to them.Not just a one word response which seems similar to sending someone a text saying "K",but a thought out comment that might continue more conversation and ideas.If someone can take the time to write me a comment,then I can take the time to reply.There is nothing nicer than waking up and realising that real people actually want to respond and talk about something you've wrote! Real people who have ideas,opinions and dreams and want to share them with others.

If anyone wants a creative and healthy outlet then I'd really recommend blogging.It's great because it's on your terms and it can be whatever you want it to be.It's done a lot for me in many ways; my writing and grammar have improved,I feel more confident in what I have to say and it helps me feel less "stuck" in my own mind.That's pretty good seeing as blogging is relatively cheap and doesn't have to cost a thing!

P.S If you're wandering why the white of the screenshots is dull,it's because I use a computer program that adjusts light to help me sleep.I'll review it soon!

What's your favourite thing about blogging?

*If you enjoy connecting with me and reading my posts,I would really appreciate any nominations for "Best Newcomer" in the Cosmo Blog Awards with Next *

Internet // Why I hate Guru Gossip

I love joining in with Twitter chats,there's always so much interesting conversation and wonderful people to talk to! Yesterday's fashion bloggers (#fbloggers) chat was about Internet etiquette,and lots of people spoke about how they are supportive of each others efforts and take steps to avoid "trolls".Trolls are the lowest form of internet life,and take great delight in demeaning,belittling and insulting people online for fun and to get a reaction.We were talking about different platforms that exist for people to spout negativity,and someone mentioned a site called "Guru Gossip" where people go to "trash" bloggers and act like a group of teenage bullies.I thought I'd check it out but what I saw left me feeling really angry and upset.Just like anything though,there is always the small minority who ruin it for others.

Don't let the pretty logo and eye pleasing layout fool you,I only spent a short time browsing through the message boards and I was really dissapointed with how personal some of the comments were.It's fine to not like someone or their blog,and it's OK to give someone constructive and non offensive criticism,but it is not acceptable to make derogatory comments about weight,appearance and upbringing whilst photo shopping and sharing photos and videos of bloggers. Admittedly,there are areas of this site where people can talk about bloggers they do like in the "adored bloggers" section,and people who disagree with the website can say so over at the "Gurus Against Guru Gossip" board,but for every 1% of positivity and kindness it seems like the other 99% is pure bullying.

I just don't like the idea of a "gossip" site.It conjures up images of mean girls from school who sit around the table and discuss who they're hating today,except that most people on here seem to be adults and should definitely know better,although of course bullying isn't acceptable at any age.There are some people who would say "I can say what I want,it's a free country" or "it's not bullying",well to the first statement I'd say that although you can't censor the Internet or what people say,that doesn't mean that people should be posting inflammatory comments and using degrading language.Just because you can doesn't mean you should!

According to Stopbullying.gov bullying is;

Unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time".

That definitely goes on at Guru Gossip.Whether you say something online or in person,it still has the power to greatly affect that person's self esteem and mood,and people should hold themselves accountable for what they say.People start up blogs for all kinds of reasons,and the variety is what keeps the community alive and interesting,who are the people over at Guru Gossip to say what people should do with their time,money and bodies?

If you've managed to get through this then you're a star,I just really needed to get this off my chest.Everyone who I've met online through blogging has been awesome and writing has really enriched my life and helped me gain more confidence! People need to remember that you don't have to bring someone else down to build yourself up.

/ end rant

Have you ever had a look at some of these "gossip" sites? Did it surprise you?

*If you enjoy connecting with me and reading my posts,I would really appreciate any nominations for "Best Newcomer" in the Cosmo Blog Awards with Next *

Best of the web // Productivity

I love coming home after a long day and seeing what's new online.Recently though instead of looking at cats on Youtube,I've decided to use my time more productively! I've found some great sites that haven't only helped me,but other people too.What better use of my time? I've found so many that I'm going to make a series out of this because I think you're going to find them useful.






 freerice.com

Freerice.com is a wonderful site where you can improve your vocabulary and help feed hungry people! A word will come up and you've got to pick the correct meaning.Each right answer means that 10 grains of rice have been donated through the World Food Programme.The questions get harder and it's actually quite addictive trying to see if you can get more grains.I definitely think this is more productive than Candy Crush!

Coffitivity

This website has really improved my productivity and thought processing.I just plug in my headphones and I can hear the realistic sounds of a Coffee shop.Apparently,this atmosphere is really good for helping inspire creativity and helping you focus.When you think about it,that must be true as it's very common for people who are writing to come and sit in a cosy Coffee shop.There are 3 background noise to choose from; "Morning Murmur","Lunchtime Lounge" or "University Undertones" which is great as there is one for every mood or time of day.If you're finding it hard to concentrate on blogging,work or studying I would definitely recommend playing this in the background.

29a.ch (Nebula creator)

This site is a bit unusual but I've found it really useful in helping me stay calm during anxious moments.It's very simple to use as all you do is pick colours and drag your mouse around the screen.This creates a really pretty Nebula that you can customise.I find the simple actions and colours really calming,kind of like watching fish.It's a great activity to just take your mind away for a few minutes and distract from any negativity.



I'll be adding more sites as I find them,the Internet is full of weird and wonderful things.Do you have any sites that help with your productivity? 

In the news // Pro Ana bracelets in 2014

from myproana.com (Don't click it's full of triggering content)

I always like to check the news to see what's going on in the world.I'm especially interested in mental health issues and the ever changing media opinion of Eating Disorders.The headline that the Daily Mail ran today (which you can read here) really caught me eye,although not for the right reasons.A website called "myproana.com" is selling bracelets "as a reminder of the daily struggle all sufferers experience".The Pro Ana community always cover up their dangerous behaviour by using language that makes people feel like they are in a big family,where everyone urges you to "stay strong" and become "ana" buddies.

I don't know where to start with this so I'm going to create a list.

• These bracelets have been around in various forms to my knowledge since the early 2000's, and are often used as a form of encouragement to continue disordered behaviours.They only ever seem to be used in the Pro Ana community.

• They call people who are suffering from Anorexia (or sometimes the disorder itself) "Ana" or "Mia" for Bulimia.I hate these cutesy nicknames! They trivialise mental health problems as something that's playful and fun.

• The bracelet comes without any logos so as to cover up where you bought it from.I think that should ring enough alarm bells, surely if it was just an innocent bracelet there would be no problem?

• They wanted to make something more "luxurious","high end" and "refined".Anything that is associated with promoting Anorexia as a lifestyle choice is disgusting,irresponsible and unsafe.

• This website is called "myproana.com".How more transparent could they be? This website is well known for it's community of members sharing tips of how to starve yourself and become a "good Anorexic" and that's bad enough, but now they're selling bracelets and charging people $14 (£8.44) for the privilege. 

Although we know that Eating Disorders are affecting people of a younger age,it's states on the site that "Many Anas felt that red beads were not age appropriate",which suggests that teens or children who are more susceptible to peer pressure are likely to look at this as see it as a trendy fashion statement.Hopefully, with the increased media coverage it's been receiving,they will stop selling them.I know we can't censor the Internet,but when it comes to protecting people's health and well being,I think it's right to call people out.You can find more of my opinions about "pro ana" on a recent blog post here.

What are you opinions?

How to // Deal with Street Harassment

via thenewagenda.net

Street harassment is unfortunately very common, and most women experience it at some point in their life (more than 80% worldwide according to stopstreetharrasment.org).Often dismissed as "just fun" or "boys being boys", it can be really intimidating and upsetting for someone to approach you or make comments in the street.It's definitely a feminist and human rights issue as it is objectifying to women and takes away our right to be outside comfortably and without fear.When men go outside alone it's fine,but when women do it they are told to "be careful".I'm going to share some tips with you on how to safely handle street harassment.

*Of course there is a big difference between compliments and street harassment.It's your call on what makes you uncomfortable.*

What is Street Harassment?

• Unwanted sexual comments
• Stalking
• Leering & groping
• Indecent exposure & public masturbation
• Catcalls (whistling and remarks etc..)

This list isn't exhaustive,but these are the most common forms.Street harassment is basically any unwanted attention that you receive that invades your personal space.It is disrespectful,unnerving and can often have a huge effect on your emotional state. 

Top tips for dealing with Street harassment

1.Your safety always comes first.Don't approach the person if you feel at risk,walk away.

If you feel you can approach the person;

2.Project confident body language.Stand tall,look the harasser in the eye and speak in a loud,clear voice.Show them that you are self assured and not scared (even if you feel uncomfortable.)

Some statements that you could use are;

"Stop doing x/y/z"
"Stop harassing women.We don't like it"
"This man is doing x/y/z" (call them out to others and make them feel embarrassed by their behaviour.)
"Doing x/y/z is wrong/disrespectful.Stop" (Let them know you will not tolerate this.)

3.Speak in a neutral yet assertive tone as that will project confidence and not antagonise the harasser.Don't swear or become angry as this could make the person respond negatively.

4.You have the power to completely ignore them if you want to.You don't have to answer their questions,and you can decide when to end the dialogue,if you want to call them out.

5.If you want to,you can report any incidences to your local Police Depot.If the harasser was in a car or had an obvious uniform on,you could take down their registration number to pass on to the Police, and/or report them to their employer.


I hope this has helped you feel more confident in dealing with uncomfortable situations,and remember your safety and well being always comes first! Only do what you feel comfortable with,and of course there is no right or wrong way to respond.I know it can be frustrating but by reacting appropriately,we can make sure that they get the message and that we remain safe.

Have you ever encountered street harassment? Do you have any tips?